Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Thy will

Matthew 6:10
" Your kingdom come. Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. " (NKJV)

These are some of the most familiar lines in the entire Bible. They are part of the Lord's Prayer. A lot of Christians recite, sight unseen, this prayer Sunday after Sunday. Some may not even realize that this prayer is in the Bible, it's just something they say, never understanding the true meaning or context. I have been motivated by a song by Hillary Scott & the Scott Family - Thy Will, to think about this particular part of the prayer today. I am obsessed with this song. It's simple and beautiful, and it brings home for me a lot of truths. Basically, we don't get to choose how life will play out for us, God does. While we still have free will and do try our best to direct our lives, ultimately our lives have been planned out by our Father in heaven, before we we were even conceived. So, the next time you are praying the Lord's Prayer, reflect on those words and truly mean them. Thy will, not my will. Lord.

A little more than 5 years ago, on a routine 4 month pregnancy exam, my doctor could not find my baby's heartbeat and sent me in for a sonogram. She assured me that sometimes the baby is out of position, and that  they sometimes just can't find it. The sonogram would hopefully relieve any anxiety and I would even get an early picture of my baby. I wasn't anxious at all, I called my husband and asked him to meet me at the imaging pavilion. Unlike me, he wasn't as calm! He brought our then 4 year old with him, and the 3 of us waited for our name to be called. Unfortunately, instead of finding our baby's heartbeat, we found out the devastating news that our baby's heart had stopped. Fetal Demise. I started to shake, uncontrollably. We were sent back to my doctor's office where she consoled us and made arrangements for us to deliver our baby. We quickly made arrangements for our children to be picked up and were checked into the hospital. Very early the next morning, our baby boy, Angelo,was born of this world. He never got to breathe one breath. We held him, had a priest come and bless him, and made final arrangements for his tiny little body. I left the hospital in a wheelchair holding a little blue box, filled with final little mementos the hospital staff put together for us.

 How was this God's will? I don't know. But I have to live in the knowledge that His ways are not my ways, His thoughts are not my thoughts. I do know, too, being the mother of  7, that I thought Angelo would be my #7, and then done. My husband and I were so sure that we wanted to have another child after our loss,that at 46 years old, we did! Not something people with so many children, and our advanced ages, delve into lightly. Thy will, not my will, Lord.

It is also God's will that I have the man that became my husband, in my life. My husband has been a constant source of comfort, protection, and encouragement for me through many of life's storms. We cried and prayed through the loss of our son, and cried and prayed through the birth of our daughter. I held his hand through both deliveries (and 3 more before that!). He was my strength last September when our same baby girl went to the hospital for 3 days unable to walk, and was there to encourage her to walk again. While we may argue and test each other some days, he is always there by my side, through the hard times, and there to laugh and rejoice with me through the good ones! Thy will be done, Lord, Thy will be done!

Here's a pic of me and the man I wasn't looking for, and he's got his arm around the woman he wasn't looking for!
You gotta love a good plan! Thank you, Lord.

I pray you have a blessed Tuesday!